Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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