come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You smell like stripper and shame
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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