he quoted the bible to break up with me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
