after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
