All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude. I can hear the air.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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