I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize