Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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