I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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