i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
