on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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