drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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