and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
