We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize