I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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