I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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