just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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