tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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