can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
