My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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