i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
