Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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