And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
