I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
