george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
