So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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