OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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