yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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