i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
