Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
