I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
