I CAN MOONWALK!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
