Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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