i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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