yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
