My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
