Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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