So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
