I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
