You're so nebulous sometimes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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