She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
