I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize