I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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