I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
