evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can't motorboat a personality
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
