The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
