Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Randomize
