I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
