Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
