I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
