I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
