nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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