i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
