She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
