I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
