broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
