Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You pole danced in your parka.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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