i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
