I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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