I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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