I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
