Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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