my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
