so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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