She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
