I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
