dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
operation harelip BJ is a go
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
