At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
