you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
