I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
