My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
