I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
