Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
