How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
