i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
